Hey everyone! I hope you all have been doing well and making it through these hard times. I want to start off by saying that this blog might get a little personal concerning my life and history. Along with a personal feel, this blog will be slightly longer then my past few blogs, so find a comfortable spot wherever you are at and please read with an open mind. To those who do not have a ton of time I urge you to come back later when you do have time to read and not be rushed. So, without further to do, let us dive in.
A few years ago, I decided that it would be an awesome idea to come out as a gay male. I personally do not like it when people talk about me, and I would think that everyone feels that way to a certain extent. Getting feedback that rumors were being spread, I posted my coming out speech on social media and received support from many. A few people thought that it would be best to share it with others, but at the time I had a care-free attitude. Along with the coming out came several girls wanting me to be their “gay best friend”. My best life was now ahead of me, or so I thought. Freshman year of college was upon me, and everything appeared to be fine. I had so much pride in myself for being out and open about my sexuality.
I hope you all are still reading because I do have a point I am getting to. I got to my first relationship and tried keeping it a secret from many, but some people love to share drama and leaked my relationship to several others. The relationship seemed great. We were making our way up to proposing at one point, but some warning signs appeared. It became emotionally abusive putting my mind in a mess. I thought it was the perfect relationship, and the only thing was that I had to keep it all a secret. As I dug deeper into my mind and heart, I came to realize that everything that I was doing was wrong. This lifestyle was wrong. For me I had grown up with a good background of right and wrong, but I had gone astray. Seeking help, I was able to get the courage to end the relationship. I wanted to get back on track, but I stumbled severely along the way.
I went back and forth to guys because I was trying to fill a void. At a young age I struggled with self confidence due to being overweight. I also struggled with not being perfect enough to be with girls. In middle school a girl I crushed on would often point out my physical flaws. This led to looking at guys the world deemed perfect. Using their bodies as an example of what I should look like, I went so far to the point where I saw no tomorrow. With all this said, I never thought of myself perfect enough to be with a girl, and I wanted the perfect male body so bad that it turned into an uncontrollable lust.
There are many more details that I could go into like guys telling me to give up my “man card” just because I liked music or kept the company of girls, but it is time to get to my point. I recently came to a life changing decision to really focus on and get right with Someone who cares for me and about my life. He has changed my view and perspective on life, and in Him I have been able to fill a void. This person is Jesus. I know many might automatically stop reading thinking that I am going to take this blog into a right and wrong scenario. Just hear me out. When it comes to the gay lifestyle, I have an advantage. Having lived that lifestyle I personally know what it brings and how many people who struggle with this topic are treated. So many accuse us of choosing to love in that way. They are wrong. I never chose to be attracted to the same sex. It just happened. That is the same with everyone who is living this lifestyle or struggling to figure themselves out. We do not choose to have these feelings. Here is where I stand up and say that living out this lifestyle is a choice.
I came to a point in my life where I realized that I had to make a choice. Now many will disagree and want to argue their point, but I am just talking about my experience in hopes that it can help someone else. I am a changed young man living his life for the One who saved him. I am no longer living that lifestyle, for it brought loneliness and depression leaving me separated from those I cared about. I still till this day struggle with accepting myself, and I often do have temptations. With everyday I grow stronger. Many do not take me seriously when I tell them that I no longer live that gay lifestyle saying that I am just going through a phase and will have to accept how I am, but today this is my coming out story. I am a straight man. Life is better, and I have found joy. Happiness will only last for a season, but Jesus has given me joy.
With all of this said I hope everyone understands that I am not attacking anyone nor saying that anyone is wrong. This is an issue in which I felt needed to be open about. It is important for us all as human beings to be vulnerable and open with each other. We can not fight the battles of this life alone. I do encourage you guys to leave any comments you might have down below in the comment section, if you would like. I am always open for some feedback no matter the opinion. So, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this blog, and keep an eye out for the next!