At one point in my life…

I use to live as a gay man putting my whole identity in my sexuality and at one point came close to marriage. Throughout my development years I gained several scars and wounds from friends and church goers that aided the direction of my life and choices. From a young age I struggled with same sex attractions only to grow up and give myself to several men in hopes to fulfill a void within and found myself later being left empty while they walked away with a piece of me. The hurt and guilt drove a wedge between myself and those around me who still cared for me. The road I traveled on left me without a purpose, and I did not see a way out of my pain.

I came to a point where I felt used up by others, I was haunted by depression, and I grew weary from carrying the baggage from that life. Hope was a foreign word to me, and a smile covered up the unhappiness within. My thoughts returned to the teachings of my childhood in a desperate attempt to find something to cling on to. Deep down I always believed in God but understood that the religion aspect never sustained me, but I could feel a tug on my heart to walk towards God. I wanted to know for sure how I could be certain of a true salvation from this life I had gotten myself into. So, one night I confronted my mother whose testimony help settle my next decision. On the floor of my living room I fell to my knees and cried out to a man named Jesus. Confessing of my sins, I believed in the life He lived and what He chose to do for me. It was at that moment I truly felt loved and had a grasp of genuine love. As a burden was lifted off my heart, I could remember thinking that even though Jesus knew He would be my very last resort He still chose to find me where I was and desire a relationship with me.

Ever since that day my life has been truly transformed. I went from religion to a loving relationship with Jesus. My voids within were filled with joy and a sense of direction. Jesus healed my heart, put me back together, and gave me a new identity in Him. My pride was exchanged for humility and through time He showed me what a true godly man looks like. He helped me understand why and how I gained same sex attractions while helping me learn how to overcome them. Doors have opened allowing me to share what Jesus has done for me, and many other men and young men who have walked a similar path as me have been able to see a glimpse of hope because of Jesus. He saw my condition and loved me enough to not leave me where I was. For the first time in my life I have hope and a sense of direction for my life all because of Jesus. He is my first love and forever will be. The only way to explain it is that I was one way but now completely changed, and He was the in between.